Keeping It Down

I don't think anyone other than a Mumbaikar can understand my sentiments in this post, or those who have visited Mumbai and stayed here for sometime. Autorickshaws have been an integral part of suburban Mumbai. After trains and buses, the most number of vehicles on the road are rickshaws and man do they know how to drive. They can squeeze in through the most unimaginable of spaces and come unscathed. I myself cringe in the auto thinking that I might hit the neighbouring vehicle if I sit with legs a bit wide. The drivers are the real stars, they can manoeuvre an auto with such expertise that you might find yourself astounded at their skill sometimes. I remember once thanking god after getting out of an auto where the driver almost overtook a mercedes and a jaguar and made them look bad. But then there is always a bad side to everything. No matter how matter we praise the drivers we end up abusing more. Why? Well you see in reality these drivers are required to take you where you ...

Its the internet age and everyone wants to be a part of it. Its all twitter, facebook and blogging. As you say "When in Rome, do as Romans do" I too wanted to be a part of this crazy world and started to think about options as to what I can do to put my footprint on this digital world. The options were 1. Create a video and put it on youtube  I imagined that video would go viral and I would get some stardom, but to my surprise people liked a fat-ass Korean man who raps something that no one understood (even I liked him) but its just not fair. Well I put an end to that option. 2. Tweet Fuck that nobody cares about my tweets unless I am a girl and I post naked pictures of myself. 3. Write a Blog My dream was to write stuff that compares with Shakespeare and some other guys but after reading what I wrote, I think my neighbour's dog comes up with better stuff and that too out of his wrong end. So the search is still on(and no, doing pornography is not i...

Since the last few days I am being constantly irritated by this pigeon couple who want make a nest in my balcony. I have tried to throw a lot of stuff at them but they are just too adamant. My mom told me its probably because its time for the pigeon to lay an egg and so its looking for a suitable place. I think by my antics towards it should've found another place, but no, it is too damn stubborn. I heard that when I wasn't at home, it laid an egg on a shelf I kept in my balcony, no nest nothing, there it was, an egg on top of a plain surface. I guess it was like the pigeon couldn't hold it in any longer, it had to go......oh oh...plink !!! DONE. My friend once told me about a similar experience but with way different results. A pigeon laid an egg near his house and it used to sit on it the whole day because well my friend is a believer in ahimsa (read Gandhi). But then he did something hilarious, once while the pigeon was away he replaced its egg with a ch...

No, I am not talking about the song from "A night at the roxbury", I am talking about the real thing called love. Being an engineer I believe in definitions (that's a lie) so can anyone define love. Some of the definitions  I got are as follows: 1.  One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love.     ( that is not love dumbass, that is DEATH) 2.  Love is like war: Easy to begin but hard to end.   ( pooh!! that is SLEEP, believe me I know) 3.  In the final analysis, love is the only reflection of man's worth.   ( oh God,why did I do engineering then?) 4.  Love is what makes the world go round.   ( so Galileo was wrong,  no wonder the church burnt him, liar ) 5.  Love is that feeling you get when you meet 'Mr/Miss Right'.  ( is that even a surname?? ) 6.  When love is not madness, it is not love.   (Its time we release the people in the mental asylums) So, the a...

I should tell you I am very impressed with the Mumbai Police for their proactive work at this year end. Today I saw a 2 cops catch a few guys popping a few drinks near 5 gardens at 8 in the evening. They were so swift in their action, one moment I see them riding around in a bike and the next moment chasing after the guys on foot waving their trademark sticks. A quick chat with the boozers and their beer bottles whisked away, they were let off as a sign of goodwill with a fine ofcourse. Then as usual they moved onto the "deep-in-love" couples and their PDA, Oh yes!!! a lot of it But all in all a job well done..... and yeah, HAPPY NEW YEAR FOLKS !!!!! ( visit www.keepingitdown.weebly.com )

Hey there my dearest sexless foetus turned live darling kid, I am so happy that you finally gave me the opportunity to call myself a grandfather, of course that means I am old now because of you. Also I am unsure whether you are God's blessing or just your parents mistake. You don't know how an easy girl/guy, a few drinks and a cheap condom can change your life. I know you will be your grandmother's darling, I'll tell her about you the moment I meet her(for the first time). You'll get to be my darling the day I get a cheque of more than a million bucks from you or you buy me a car something like that. By the way if you are a guy I can give you an excellent sex talk, I think my future wife gave this advice to your mom/dad (whoever is mine.......only one of them is, don't get too many ideas you dumbass) which resulted in your birth and I am praying that your parent (my child) took it seriously and you aren't born in any circumstance...

Indians are very particular about this topic, oh yes!! to a great extent. We are not ashamed to talk about it, not even in public. In fact I've heard instances where people actually brag about their morning dump. Particularly the design and the size make up for most of the conversation. Also life provides us with enough instances and opportunities of shitting in very unusual places and thus providing me with more " shitty " writing material. A train, for example is a very good place for an interesting shit story. I'll tell you about something I myself experienced. You must've surely felt " the morning pressure " several times in your life and believe me an Indian railway train with an Indian Style loo is not the place to be, at that time. Its an excruciating task to get a firm position with train violently shaking most of the time. You are lucky if you can find a handle to hold to or else you'll be pretty much stretching ...